The days are long and the nights are short and all I can do is worry about all that is ahead of me in this life. Worry about this and worry about that until I am curled up in a ball wondering what went wrong. Cannot seem to loosen up, despite my efforts, and I just cannot seem to shake this nervousness. It seems to me that this is all a product of thinking too much. The words of an old friend ring true right now, "Think, think, think...". I just have no clue what I should do. I study all day and all night long, taking pathetic little breaks here and there, but still this agony of pressure surges through my mind until there is no silence left....no peace. All the time I know things will get better. Not that that matters at all. Although things WILL undoubtedly get better, they still suck for the time being. After all, the status quo is everything...right? People will tell you to worry about today, but you cannot help but think about tomorrow while you live your life today. It is inevitable and we should plan ahead. The only thing is...planning ahead is getting me nowhere!
So I will sit in my room and study, barely having time to check my email, and I will sleep tight knowing that some day it will all cosmically fall into place. I will have my dream job, my house, all the "stuff" and hopefully at the core will be a happiness that up to this point, I have only dared to dream of. I can do it. The little engine that could is helping push me up the mountain and over the peak. I CAN DO IT. I can do it. I can fucking do it! I HAVE to do it, because if I cannot...I am not who I thought I was.
No comments:
Post a Comment